I can't stand up and I can't fall down

♫ Somewhere in the Middle - Dishwalla

"When you drink it makes you angry
When I drink I want you more and more and more..."

That song came up on shuffle last night. Before the line came I remembered it. I sat right up in bed and then laughed. It had always been my favorite, even back in 6th grade. Oh, the irony.

But I think I'm doing better. I can focus on other things at least now. I'm just disappointed, again. But this time I was so close...

wtf?

Who does this to a person? I'm going insane trying to figure out what he's thinking now. I'm an idiot, though, that much is clear. But so is he, so there you go. How do I know whether to trust soberness or drunkness when they're the opposite of what you'd expect? Maybe I trust the drunk friend. Who knows.

PS If you want to find a guy, look PISSED THE HELL OFF and sit on a couch or lean on the wall at a party. Apparently they take this as "PLEASE PLEASE come talk to me"


Playlist:

1. I Don't Wanna Know - NFG

First comes heavy breathing, staring at the ceiling. What will happen next? I don't wanna know.

2. Stop This Song - Pmore

Your lovesick melody is gonna get the best of me tonight.

3. Secret Oath - Spill Canvas

I'm destroying my mind trying to comprehend how with little to no effort you've got me eating out of the palms of your hands

4. Break A Leg - Spill Canvas

I'm sick of you leading me on. I'm sick of you stringing me along. I do hereby swear a bounty on your heart.

5. Polygraph, Right Now - Spill Canvas

I wanna break into your heart to see why you want us apart. I'm scared to death to find out what you think of me.

6. Practice Makes Perfect - CIWWAF

So weak I can hardly keep shaky legs holding up my feet, but your body language is telling me that I'm not to blame

7. Pretty Girl - Sugarcult

Pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about. And that's what you get for falling again, you can never get him outta your head.

8. Basbhat -The Audition

I've been misguided by you. I've been mistreated, too.

9. Creatures - Settings

I'm knee deep in deceit, slowly drowning in your disease. And when the truth is finally told, you'll have me in a strangle hold so tight I cannot breathe. Baby, the thought alone is killing me. So tell me, tell me is there somebody else 'cause I don't plan on being just another notch on your belt. It's time to show me everything you've got.

8. No Good - Kate Voegele

Well I should know so much better than this, but you've occupied the center of my universe...but my heart will remain until the day I learn you're no good for me

11.11

Stealing from Lizzz cause it fits too well.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, dear
the words just came out wrong
Now I'm broken down and lonely
and I can't get along"


Boy did they come out wrong. What happened?



"Here's to the fast times; the times we felt alive;
to all the nights that we forgot to get back home.
Stay seventeen,
the party scene has got the best of me and you,
we've got to let this go...

Drink up last call before the sunrise sets the scene,
of empty bottles, heavy hearts,
the memories of broken dreams...
We were so tired yet so alive,
wrapped up in lies like sheets of another one night stand,
you know you left the girl with nothing but the
sunrise through the window pane, where tired eyes will close....

Stay seventeen,
the party scene has got the best of me and you,
we've got to let this go...

I know she hopes I choke on this last drink,
drop dead before my influence gets to her head...
She said, "I'll love you forever, or find something better.
It's all just the same as when we sleep together.
We wake up with headaches, and trouble remembering
what went wrong...""

I'm screwed

I hung up the phone tonight,
something happened for the first time, deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush
Cause the possibility that you would ever
Feel the same way about me
It’s just too much, just too much
Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized, and I just got to know

Do you ever think, when you’re all alone
All that we could be?
Where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?
Do you catch a breath, when I look at you?
Are you holding back, like the way I do?
Cause I’m trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain’t goin' away

Has it ever crossed your mind when we were hanging
Spending time girl, are we just friends
Is there more, is there more?
See it’s a chance we’ve gotta take
Cause I believe we can make this into
Something that will last, last forever, forever

Do you ever think, when you’re all alone
All that we could be?
Where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?
Do you catch a breath, when I look at you?
Are you holding back, like the way I do?
Cause I’m trying, trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain’t goin' away

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know...